Okay, we need a place to get nerdy stupid. I'll start with a crappy riddle:
Q: What's the most popular musical genre on Mars?
A: Rock.
Damn. Didn't even finish typing that & someone threw a rotten tomato at my window. But of course it is Saturday night in downtown Los Angeles right now.
Appreciate the forgiveness, so of course I'll push it now...
Titan ain't nothin' but Ganymede with gas.
BTW, Uranus is categorically sick of being the butt of all space-related jokes.
Pretty bad, all right. Congratulations!!!
Why can I only think of rude ones?
(BTW, I wasn't kidding about the rotten tomato, except that it was a beer bottle that somehow didn't break. It broke when I threw it back at the guy, though; yes, I did intentionally miss him by a wide margin.)
Q. What kind of tunes do astronomers listen to?
A. Astronomers listen to Neptunes.
Q: Why did Curiosity cross the road?
A: "Road?! There's a road?! Now if that's not clear evidence of past life, then....." "Calm down, it was just bad photoshopping or a cosmic ray strike or something
Yeah, that was painful.
"See, the reason they named that planet Venus is that it's SOOO hot..."
So, Jupiter walks into a bar...
...That's it. Earth is completely destroyed.
Leaving the bar: "I've a black hole in my purse"
... famous last words.
If Mae West were alive:
"Is that a black hole in your pocket, or are you just REALLY unhappy to see me...?"
"Why can I only think of rude ones?"
Because u'r an ass!
Phil
BA-DUM TISH
Someone call a taxi for Phil!
This thread is a sure sign that nprev should never be put in charge of anything.
Phil
Can a mod please delete this thread before it permanently mars the board's reputation?
Yep, this thread is plummeting faster than the Genesis probe...
Too soon?
Yeah -- this thread is plummeting through the atmosphere, burning up, shouting "How many feet in a kilometer? HOW MANY FEET IN A KILOMETER???"
-the other Doug
Curiosity and Opportunity rove into a bar.
Curiosity says to the bartender: 'Three beers please."
Bartender: "Three? But there's only two of you."
Curiosity: "Oh, there's a lander waiting for us outside."
[Sorry Phoenix, Viking(s) etc] *ducks*
Q: What's Ganymede's favorite beverage?
A: JUICE.
MRO goes into a bar and says, 'I'll have a pint, a bar of chocolate, and a claw hammer, please.'
The bemused barman serves him (her/it). MRO takes the hammer and proceeds to smash the chocolate to pieces.
'What are you doing?' asks the barman.
'I'm aerobraking.'
*silence*
One for the British UMSFers, there...
We have Aero bars in Canada too...
Wow! Extra-crispy 100% black bitter chocolate!
- No, extra-crispy 100% black bitter martian basalt.
Sojourner drives into a bar and says, "Darn it Viking, put your arm down."
mslmslmslmslmslmselmselmselemseltmseltmesiltmesslmmeshlomtshlommshlomoshlomoshlo
moshlomoshlo
- What does that mean?
- Oh, nothing special, that's just the usual way we're talking with mars.
Q - What are they hoping Curiosity's wheels won't spell in Morse Code when they start climbing Mt Sharp?
A = JALOPY
I have never seen such a dreadful ceres of attempts at humor.
No, really. I'm sirius.
Dreadful Ceres in opposition to Sirius?
But yes I almost hit the report button on you guys for being too EVA here.
...."Jalopy", on noes!
This bad jokes thread is so abysmal - what can you expect from a thread started by a drunken robot? - that I feel obliged to raise the standard of humour with a reference to the Swan of Avon, the good old Bard himself.
So... Chang'E 3 lands on the Moon and deploys its rover. But the rover immediately turns around, comes back and stabs the rover. With what final breath it can muster, Chang'E 3 gasps "Et tu, Yutu?"
You're welcome!
Phil
The drunken robot will now need to wipe his flash memory completely after reading that, Phil...AIIIEEEE!!!!!
Jade Rabbit: "Hey, everyone, I've landed on the Moon!"
Eight Lunas, 5 Surveyors, 2 Lunakhods, 6 LM descent stages and 3 LRVs: "Yutu?"
-the other Doug
Yeah, finally some Change!
Q: What's an orbyte?
A: 8 orbits!
http://www.unmannedspaceflight.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1907&view=findpost&p=33476 is a favorite of mine.
Oh, man…I KNEW I screwed up establishing this thread, knew it knew it knew it…you guys are giving me a huge pain in Myanus!!!
(it remains, however, quite shiny & metallic…)
That's it... after 10 years Opportunity has reached a level of sentience and has started making stone tools
Something for the 10th anniversary of Cassini's SOI this coming July:
The baddest joke of all would surely have been the cancellation of Cassini-Huygens launch back in 1997.
Now what kind of rubber duck do we have in the nucleus of 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko?
A marshmallow kind of duck.
Surely this is a target for The Mallard Space Science Laboratory?
Good one!
Phil
Typically, after such a horrendous pun, one *ducks*.
Technically not a joke, but...
(via https://twitter.com/simonrae/status/558363728589369344)
This one were made as a comment for V1, but it might be true for V2 as well in a while.
Clearly Pluto is a secret Romulan base!
^WORD.
Asking about pluto\'s terrain
And it look like the empire isn\'t doing much better...
Some of the triangular forms look kinda familiar...
Appears they don\'t maneuver to well in formation...
Keeping with the Sci-Fi theme, I saw the Klingon vessel differently.
After bravely volunteering to head the first manned mission to Pluto, Alan Stern realises something has gone very wrong...
Spied in DAWN's HAMO 63 image:
Not directly about astronomy, but found on one such site where https://www.universetoday.com/135091/cern-declares-war-standard-model/ reports new findings by the "Large Hardon Collider beauty experiment".
A sentence I will refrain from further comments but a snigger and a cough.
I think that from a scientific standpoint spellcheck is by far the largest and most fascinating cross-sectional psychological study of humanity ever...
What I do in the privacy of my own collider shouldn't be any concern of yours.
Phil
Let me know, when unpredicted S-0 (neutral sock) particles pop up in your private collider. Then it must be the other end of the evident Einstein-Rosen bridge (aka wormhole) in my washing machine.
Said today while trying to determine the best rover path between large rocks at Gale: "if the rover doesn't fit, you must quit"
Paolo
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