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Unmanned Spaceflight.com _ Chit Chat _ Official UMSF Bad Jokes Thread

Posted by: nprev Oct 20 2013, 11:02 AM

Okay, we need a place to get nerdy stupid. I'll start with a crappy riddle:

Q: What's the most popular musical genre on Mars?

A: Rock.


Damn. Didn't even finish typing that & someone threw a rotten tomato at my window. But of course it is Saturday night in downtown Los Angeles right now.

Posted by: PaulH51 Oct 20 2013, 01:54 PM

QUOTE (nprev @ Oct 20 2013, 07:02 PM) *
A: Rock.

Fully forgivable considering the diversity of 'Rock' imaged after the drive on sol 426.... rolleyes.gif

Posted by: nprev Oct 20 2013, 05:24 PM

Appreciate the forgiveness, so of course I'll push it now... tongue.gif

Titan ain't nothin' but Ganymede with gas.

Posted by: nprev Oct 20 2013, 05:39 PM

BTW, Uranus is categorically sick of being the butt of all space-related jokes.

Posted by: centsworth_II Oct 20 2013, 05:49 PM


Posted by: nprev Oct 21 2013, 01:05 AM

Pretty bad, all right. Congratulations!!! biggrin.gif

Posted by: Ian R Oct 21 2013, 01:12 AM

Why can I only think of rude ones? tongue.gif

Posted by: nprev Oct 21 2013, 01:15 AM

(BTW, I wasn't kidding about the rotten tomato, except that it was a beer bottle that somehow didn't break. It broke when I threw it back at the guy, though; yes, I did intentionally miss him by a wide margin.) wink.gif

Posted by: John Flushing Oct 21 2013, 01:54 AM

Q. What kind of tunes do astronomers listen to?

A. Astronomers listen to Neptunes.

Posted by: stevesliva Oct 21 2013, 03:55 AM

QUOTE (nprev @ Oct 20 2013, 01:39 PM) *
BTW, Uranus is categorically sick of being the butt of all space-related jokes.


I'm sorry, but the planetary society blog's recent lead of "It’s been a long time since anyone paid Uranus a visit" was simply asking for it.

Posted by: Astro0 Oct 21 2013, 06:25 AM

Q: Why did Curiosity cross the road?


A: "Road?! There's a road?! Now if that's not clear evidence of past life, then....." ohmy.gif "Calm down, it was just bad photoshopping or a cosmic ray strike or something rolleyes.gif

Posted by: nprev Oct 21 2013, 12:04 PM

Yeah, that was painful. tongue.gif

Posted by: nprev Oct 21 2013, 12:11 PM

"See, the reason they named that planet Venus is that it's SOOO hot..."

Posted by: nprev Oct 21 2013, 12:19 PM

So, Jupiter walks into a bar...

...That's it. Earth is completely destroyed.

Posted by: Gerald Oct 21 2013, 03:04 PM

Leaving the bar: "I've a black hole in my purse"
... famous last words.

Posted by: nprev Oct 21 2013, 05:35 PM

If Mae West were alive:

"Is that a black hole in your pocket, or are you just REALLY unhappy to see me...?"

Posted by: Phil Stooke Oct 21 2013, 06:45 PM

"Why can I only think of rude ones?"

Because u'r an ass!

Phil


Posted by: Ian R Oct 21 2013, 07:35 PM

BA-DUM TISH biggrin.gif

Someone call a taxi for Phil!

Posted by: Phil Stooke Oct 21 2013, 08:11 PM

This thread is a sure sign that nprev should never be put in charge of anything.

Phil


Posted by: Gsnorgathon Oct 22 2013, 12:19 AM

Can a mod please delete this thread before it permanently mars the board's reputation?

Posted by: Explorer1 Oct 22 2013, 01:37 AM

Yep, this thread is plummeting faster than the Genesis probe...

Too soon?

Posted by: dvandorn Oct 22 2013, 04:29 AM

Yeah -- this thread is plummeting through the atmosphere, burning up, shouting "How many feet in a kilometer? HOW MANY FEET IN A KILOMETER???"

smile.gif

-the other Doug

Posted by: Astro0 Oct 22 2013, 05:50 AM

Curiosity and Opportunity rove into a bar.

Curiosity says to the bartender: 'Three beers please."
Bartender: "Three? But there's only two of you."
Curiosity: "Oh, there's a lander waiting for us outside."


[Sorry Phoenix, Viking(s) etc] *ducks*
ohmy.gif wink.gif rolleyes.gif

Posted by: climber Oct 22 2013, 05:54 AM

QUOTE (Ian R @ Oct 21 2013, 03:12 AM) *
Why can I only think of rude ones? tongue.gif

I guess because after Spirit, Oppy and Curiosity, UNMSF needed its own rude mad topic? (...because the Solar System...)

Posted by: dvandorn Oct 22 2013, 04:14 PM

QUOTE (climber @ Oct 21 2013, 11:54 PM) *
...because the Solar System...

...ain't gonna make fun of itself!

wink.gif

-the other Doug

Posted by: Gerald Oct 22 2013, 04:52 PM

QUOTE (Astro0 @ Oct 22 2013, 07:50 AM) *
Curiosity: "Oh, there's a lander waiting for us outside."

... thought Jupited decided to wait outside this time.

Posted by: Bjorn Jonsson Oct 22 2013, 07:52 PM

Q: What's Ganymede's favorite beverage?
A: JUICE.

Posted by: Seryddwr Oct 22 2013, 09:50 PM

MRO goes into a bar and says, 'I'll have a pint, a bar of chocolate, and a claw hammer, please.'

The bemused barman serves him (her/it). MRO takes the hammer and proceeds to smash the chocolate to pieces.

'What are you doing?' asks the barman.

'I'm aerobraking.'

*silence*

One for the British UMSFers, there...

Posted by: Explorer1 Oct 22 2013, 10:15 PM

We have Aero bars in Canada too...

Posted by: Gerald Oct 23 2013, 12:13 AM

Wow! Extra-crispy 100% black bitter chocolate!

- No, extra-crispy 100% black bitter martian basalt.

Posted by: ElkGroveDan Oct 23 2013, 04:39 AM

Sojourner drives into a bar and says, "Darn it Viking, put your arm down."

Posted by: Gerald Oct 23 2013, 11:19 AM

mslmslmslmslmslmselmselmselemseltmseltmesiltmesslmmeshlomtshlommshlomoshlomoshlo
moshlomoshlo

- What does that mean?

- Oh, nothing special, that's just the usual way we're talking with mars.

Posted by: PaulH51 Oct 23 2013, 11:37 AM

Q - What are they hoping Curiosity's wheels won't spell in Morse Code when they start climbing Mt Sharp?

A = JALOPY unsure.gif wheel.gif wheel.gif wheel.gif

Posted by: Gsnorgathon Oct 23 2013, 04:23 PM

I have never seen such a dreadful ceres of attempts at humor.

No, really. I'm sirius.

Posted by: TheAnt Nov 19 2013, 09:03 PM

Dreadful Ceres in opposition to Sirius? laugh.gif

But yes I almost hit the report button on you guys for being too EVA here. blink.gif

...."Jalopy", on noes! rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Phil Stooke Dec 1 2013, 08:20 PM

This bad jokes thread is so abysmal - what can you expect from a thread started by a drunken robot? - that I feel obliged to raise the standard of humour with a reference to the Swan of Avon, the good old Bard himself.

So... Chang'E 3 lands on the Moon and deploys its rover. But the rover immediately turns around, comes back and stabs the rover. With what final breath it can muster, Chang'E 3 gasps "Et tu, Yutu?"


You're welcome!

Phil


Posted by: nprev Dec 1 2013, 09:17 PM

The drunken robot will now need to wipe his flash memory completely after reading that, Phil...AIIIEEEE!!!!! tongue.gif

Posted by: dvandorn Dec 3 2013, 06:06 PM

Jade Rabbit: "Hey, everyone, I've landed on the Moon!"

Eight Lunas, 5 Surveyors, 2 Lunakhods, 6 LM descent stages and 3 LRVs: "Yutu?"

biggrin.gif

-the other Doug

Posted by: machi Dec 3 2013, 08:17 PM

Yeah, finally some Change!

Posted by: Jaro_in_Montreal Feb 13 2014, 01:26 AM

Missing the really big stream......




Posted by: RoverDriver Feb 13 2014, 04:29 AM

Q: What's an orbyte?

A: 8 orbits!

Posted by: Tom Tamlyn Feb 13 2014, 05:23 AM

http://www.unmannedspaceflight.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1907&view=findpost&p=33476 is a favorite of mine.

Posted by: nprev Feb 13 2014, 07:14 PM

Oh, man…I KNEW I screwed up establishing this thread, knew it knew it knew it…you guys are giving me a huge pain in Myanus!!!

(it remains, however, quite shiny & metallic…)

Posted by: Astro0 Feb 24 2014, 05:48 AM

That's it... after 10 years Opportunity has reached a level of sentience and has started making stone tools smile.gif laugh.gif



wheel.gif

Posted by: Jaro_in_Montreal Mar 18 2014, 11:52 PM

Something for the 10th anniversary of Cassini's SOI this coming July:

The baddest joke of all would surely have been the cancellation of Cassini-Huygens launch back in 1997.


Posted by: TheAnt Jul 22 2014, 02:15 PM

Now what kind of rubber duck do we have in the nucleus of 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko? rolleyes.gif


Posted by: Gerald Jul 22 2014, 06:17 PM

A marshmallow kind of duck.

Posted by: centsworth_II Jul 23 2014, 01:28 AM


Hoping for a... http://kateincolorado.blogspot.com/2009/11/snow-duck.html

Posted by: PFK Jul 23 2014, 09:49 AM

Surely this is a target for The Mallard Space Science Laboratory?

Posted by: Phil Stooke Jul 23 2014, 04:37 PM

Good one!

Phil

Posted by: centsworth_II Jul 23 2014, 06:54 PM

Typically, after such a horrendous pun, one *ducks*.

Posted by: TheAnt Jan 21 2015, 08:26 PM

Soon to be seen at Ceres? =)


Posted by: Habukaz Jan 25 2015, 11:53 AM

Technically not a joke, but...



(via https://twitter.com/simonrae/status/558363728589369344)

Posted by: TheAnt Jun 27 2015, 10:36 PM

This one were made as a comment for V1, but it might be true for V2 as well in a while.

Posted by: hendric Jul 8 2015, 05:52 PM

Clearly Pluto is a secret Romulan base!




Posted by: djellison Aug 10 2015, 12:40 AM


Posted by: nprev Aug 10 2015, 01:36 AM

^WORD.

Posted by: Burmese Sep 21 2015, 02:19 PM


Posted by: centsworth_II Sep 21 2015, 05:15 PM

Simple solution.


Posted by: HSchirmer Sep 26 2015, 02:35 PM

Asking about pluto\'s terrain

QUOTE
Could be but that isn\'t exactly something we\'ve never seen. I\'m going to guess it probably has something more to do with some type of terrain that requires more energy than would be expected at Pluto. That seems to be a really common trend. Or a big \'Welcome to Pluto\' banner, in large print English.



Or a crashed Klingon battle cruiser, with Klingon letters scrawled all across Sputnik...



 

Posted by: HSchirmer Sep 26 2015, 02:42 PM

And it look like the empire isn\'t doing much better...


Some of the triangular forms look kinda familiar...




Appears they don\'t maneuver to well in formation...



Posted by: fredk Sep 26 2015, 03:09 PM

QUOTE (HSchirmer @ Sep 26 2015, 03:35 PM) *
Or a crashed Klingon battle cruiser, with Klingon letters scrawled all across Sputnik...

Well, we have seen battlecruisers on Mars already...
http://www.unmannedspaceflight.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=7128&view=findpost&p=208531
laugh.gif

Posted by: PFK Sep 27 2015, 02:52 PM

Keeping with the Sci-Fi theme, I saw the Klingon vessel differently.
After bravely volunteering to head the first manned mission to Pluto, Alan Stern realises something has gone very wrong...


Posted by: MarsInMyLifetime Nov 23 2015, 05:00 AM

Spied in DAWN's HAMO 63 image:



But as some of us learned from Buffalo Springfield, "Pareidolia strikes deep."

Posted by: TheAnt Apr 21 2017, 04:17 PM

Not directly about astronomy, but found on one such site where https://www.universetoday.com/135091/cern-declares-war-standard-model/ reports new findings by the "Large Hardon Collider beauty experiment".
A sentence I will refrain from further comments but a snigger and a cough.

Posted by: nprev Apr 21 2017, 08:29 PM

I think that from a scientific standpoint spellcheck is by far the largest and most fascinating cross-sectional psychological study of humanity ever... biggrin.gif

Posted by: Phil Stooke Apr 22 2017, 09:12 PM

What I do in the privacy of my own collider shouldn't be any concern of yours.

Phil

Posted by: Gerald Apr 23 2017, 10:59 AM

Let me know, when unpredicted S-0 (neutral sock) particles pop up in your private collider. Then it must be the other end of the evident Einstein-Rosen bridge (aka wormhole) in my washing machine.

Posted by: RoverDriver May 24 2017, 09:27 PM

Said today while trying to determine the best rover path between large rocks at Gale: "if the rover doesn't fit, you must quit"

Paolo

Posted by: nprev May 25 2017, 12:52 AM

biggrin.gif

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